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Post by athelstan on Nov 30, 2014 19:06:32 GMT -5
[attr="class","main"] [attr="class","name"]Athelstan Talin [attr="class","race"]Fereldan Human [attr="class","minihead"]Age | [attr="class","minihead"]Gender | [attr="class","minifield"]30 | [attr="class","minifield"]Male | [attr="class","minihead"]Archetype | [attr="class","minihead"]Profession | [attr="class","minifield"]Outdoorsman | [attr="class","minifield"]Exiled Noble, Bandit | [attr="class","minihead"]Rank | [attr="class","minihead"]Class | [attr="class","minifield"]RANK 0 | [attr="class","minifield"]Rogue |
[attr="class","infoh"]Physical Attributes [attr="class","minihead2"]Hair & Eyes | [attr="class","minihead2"]Height/Weight/Build | [attr="class","minifield2"]Dark Brown Hair, Green Eyes | [attr="class","minifield2"]5’10, 178lbs, Athletic |
[attr="class","infoc"]In another life Athelstan would have been regarded as a highly handsome man and while this still shows beneath the ever present 5 O'clock shadow and the faint lines on his face that life in the wilds have brought. He isn't the most imposing man at first glance however his body is covered in tight bands of muscle and his right arm has a blue spiral pattern tattoo down it's length. [attr="class","infoh"]Personality [attr="class","minihead2"]Five Positive Traits | [attr="class","minihead2"]Five Negative Traits | [attr="class","minifield2"]Determined, Loyal, Quick Witted, Charismatic, Optimistic | [attr="class","minifield2"]Over Confident, Sarcastic, Hot-headed, Idealistic, Cynical |
[attr="class","infoc"]The first thing that one might notice upon meeting Athelstan is the almost obsessive dedication to the cause for which he fights and while this is admirable it also reveals an idealism only mostly tempered by the pragmatism of one who has fought for said cause all of his life. However with this comes a charismatic charm that serves to inspire those around him and makes him rather difficult to resist at times.
This charm, along with a flair for dramatic speech and mannerisms has led to him beginning to become an emergent folk hero to the downtrodden of Ferelden and even romanticised tales being told in some parts of Orlais of a dashing highwayman, stealing gold and virtue with a silver tongue.
Another side to Athelstan is that he can at times be immensely cocky and snarky, with a comment of some kind always ready to be thrown out. However in many ways this is a coping mechanism, a way for him to keep his head up and deal with his problems.
Beneath all this is a loyal man who genuinely cares for his people and would happily lay down his life to protect those close to him. [attr="class","infoh"]Background [attr="class","infoc"]When the Orlesians attacked it was only natural that the bannorn of Gherlen's Pass would be the first to fall. And fall it did. The bann, Aethelred Talin, put up a fierce defense backed by his warriors however the enemy chevaliers proved to be too much for the freemen of the pass and within six months the bannorn had been entirely pacified- or so it was assumed, in truth Bann Talin and his remaining men had fled into the marshland in the north east of the province, making raids from a hidden base that only one with local knowledge could find as time went by.
This state of affairs had been in place for a number of years by the time Athelstan Talin was born and from the start was bred for the fight, learning wilderness survival skills from a very young age in order to carry on the fight and so he would. When Athelstan was a mere six years of age the Orlesians finally claimed their victory over the crown and decided that the thorn in their side that Bannucwulf, the marshland base of Bann Talin, had been a thorn in their side long enough and launched a full assault, attempting to build a causeway to the island on which the settlement was built. Twice this causeway was destroyed before the people of Bannucwulf were betrayed by one of their own, a man who was convinced that there could be no victory and the secret half surbmerged natural causeway into the fort was revealed. With little other option the Bann sent his son and a bodyguard of ten warriors, a mix of rangers and knights, away with the Talin family sword while he and his bodyguard fought and died.
Learning from his new band of fighters, christened the Wolf Brothers, Athelstan began to cultivate a fearsome reputation in the north west as he and his men preyed on caravans bringing supplies and reinforcements, doing as much damage and taking what they could before disappearing in an almost ghost like fashion. Now, twenty one years after the fall of Bannucwulf with an eye on his home and with rumours of Moira Theirin's growing rebellion in his ears the wolf of Gherlen's Pass is finally preparing to make his move, for better or worse. |
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Post by ⇐EL⇒ on Dec 7, 2014 17:32:47 GMT -5
| [attr="class","head1"]Pending! [attr="class","head2"]Guide me through the blackest nights [attr="class","content1"] We've found a few issues that need to be touched up before you can be accepted. Once you have fixed the issues specified below, inform the staff member who pended you to re-evaluate your application (through PM would be best).
By my count, Athelstan would be 33, not 30 if he was only nine years of age when Orlais finally conquered Ferelden. Since it's been 24 years since.
Though your personality is fine, it feels a little rushed and scattered. What do you mean by a flair for the dramatic? How is he charismatic? Is he inspiring, easy to friend, or a good liar? The second paragraph is particularly awkward, especially the wording of the first sentence. Some expansion on his ego, stubbornness and snark would also be appreciated. You should probably stop full sentence there and then make the fact that this is a coping mechanism a new sentence.
History is fine.
Overall, just a little expansion and some clean up on his personality would really make his application shine. I'm thinking a few more sentences and some editing.
Lemme know when you've made the changes I've requested!
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Post by ⇐EL⇒ on Dec 10, 2014 17:32:50 GMT -5
| [attr="class","head1"]Accepted! [attr="class","head2"]And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost [attr="class","content1"] Welcome to the site! The first thing you need to do is send a private message to the staff member who has accepted you with the items and talents you'd like from your character's archetype, as well as their total cost in gold. This way the admin can add said amount to your account so you can go about purchasing your starter kit. After that, it would be a good idea to list yourself on the member information thread. For those who don't have/haven't looked into getting an image, you may also want to look into this thread, as well. Good luck and have fun on IWV! |
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